31 August 2007

Country Boy

Sheeeeiit.
I'm not thinking about it. I'm not thinking about it.
OK, maybe a little.
Despite the fact that I went to bed before midnight yesterday, I still slept until 10 am. Damn! What a waste. I had to go to Pike Place Market to buy kitsch for friends who live elsewhere, and let me tell you, I was uncomfortable. It was a whirlwind tour, and I had to brace myself with a stop in the used bookstore down on the lower level of the market. After I had gotten up the gall, I wandered a total of 20 feet and purchased some postcards and crap before making a beeline for the exit, and catching a bus home. Fuck I hate conspicuous consumption. Consumption, OK, probably a necessary evil, but "shopping", that shit makes me cringe. It took me all of 20 minutes to take care of business, and including bus and foot time I was back home in just over an hour. Then I went to work, and didn't think about it.
That shit is poison.

29 August 2007

Like So Many Other Momentary Passions, I'm Sure This Will Also Pass

Undoubtedly.
I can't really get too excited about it, I have some whiskey in my blood and that, in case you haven't noticed makes a man PASSIONATE! He follows his heart and is impulsive. He loves and/or he fights easily, on a whim.
But as I said, I can't allow myself to get too excited because we all know where that leads. False hope. Expectations. And as I have mentioned in recent past, hope is poison to a fledgeling relationship. This factors tenfold when you are still just becoming interested, and still flying secret solo.
So, we don't talk about it right now.
I feel fucking great. Aforementioned whiskey, and two days of beautiful coffee fueled mornings which led into art soaked days vegan dinner and mellow movie/reading nights. Life, in it's subjective minutia, is almost perfect.

28 August 2007

I Have At The Very Least

Upon reflection, I find it somehow admirable that I have been willing to openly place trust so many different people, friends, women especially. Throw it out there, put it on the line, make myself vulnerable. I don't know what that says about me, or the people I've trusted. But I don't regret any of it.

Clouds All Day

For roughly five and a half hours all I saw was clouds. This is by far the most ambitious, and best of the three pieces I've done in this series. Not surprisingly, it's the third one, over the span of about 2.5 years.
Almost exactly 2 months to the day that I posted the ink drawing here. (June 27)
Clouds are fucking hard to paint.

Considering in retrospect the profound naivete and insecurity of my youth, I find it surprising I was able to maintain the few short relationships I had with women. I suppose what success I had had something to do with the probably similar naivete and insecurity of the women I dated. Nevertheless, looking back, I seem so selfish and scared.

It's all pretty irrelevant now.

Last night was a surprise and a half with Chained Heat, a remarkably graphic "women in prison" film starring Linda Blair and Sybil Danning. I was actually a little shocked. Happy but shocked. It was getting late and I wanted to get up early to destroy another day (success), so, tonight I'll finish Chained Heat and watch Pray For Death, a ninja movie starring Sho Kosugi.

Tomorrow is work at 7:30am.

27 August 2007

Stormy Weather

I rediscovered a technique in watercolor today. It's called the "wet paper" technique. it's where you get the paper wet and then apply the pigment. Duh, like watercolors. I was treating the pigment like an ink wash and applying it to dry paper, like a fucking amateur. Don't you love it when you discover something obvious?
Unfortunately, this painting still does not look like the photo I took, even if it looks rad.
I had today off and destroyed it, got everything and more done. Tomorrow is the same, more clouds and more destruction.

26 August 2007

Throwback

I can't shake the feeling that other men are somehow, cleaner, more suited, more civilized than I. They must know something that I cannot, and be somehow more capable and adapted that I can conceptualize.

Upscale

Today was a sight better that yesterday, though at the outset it didn't look that way. It was strange, I got one of those viscious nagging moments thrown at me by a girl after hanging out for one night. In a 1 minute phone conversation I got accused of three different things. I don't think we got married last night, did we?
Then I dropped my coffe on the ground without even tasting it.
Work looked dark and held little promise, but I ended up with as more energy than I began with, so this bodes well for tomorrow. One of the other cooks was talking to the super cute watress, and later I asked if she (the cook's a girl too) knew her very well. No, but she knew why I was asking. She told me that she thought the waitress was interested.
Is this something I need or want to know? It just puts all kinds of crazy thoughts in my head, running the gammut from hopeful, which as I mentioned the other day is poison, to complete disbelief.
It's going to be perfect, or it's a complete fallacy.
There might be some greay area in there.
Too bad I'm such a social misanthrope, I might have something to invite her to do that isn't super nerdy or drinking heavily.

I gotta take a shower and go to bed, I'm not ready for this.

25 August 2007

You Do Not Measure Up

With all the enthusiasm I could muster I tried to make what could have been a lousy day into a good one. Within five minutes of arriving at work I yelled and had to go out back and split logs for half an hour to cool off. I came back inside and told the chef I couldn't take it.
And I can't. I gotta leave that place, even if it means I lose my health insurance. I've gotta look into the costs of getting it privately, and what I would need to earn hourly to cover that, and still make at least as much as I do now. I'm gonna drop some resumes at some vegan/veg restaurants and get away from this meat grinder (both literal and figurative).
My suspicion is that because I am one of the best cooks they have there, that the owner will essentially "beg" me to stay. I have to come up with a list of demands if they want me to stay.

I need to be drawing more, and spending less time drinking, watching movies and screwing around. I'm getting more bitter and cynical as the days go by.
I need the love of a good woman.
I need to not have a cold.
I need to go to bed.

23 August 2007

Alright, That's It, I'm Taking Over

Oooooo, all night long I wanted company.
I really wanted to do things on my own terms, but I wanted company. I had three options, and I stepped back from them all, stood up on my own, and did things my way.
It's too often easy to drag someone into your orbit without realising your motives and pretty soon, before you can think about it, you're playing out your drama with a live audience.

When a relationship is in it's primeval stages, goals, and planning are poison. Ignore hope and excitement because they promote presumptuous and premature action. Merely continue in a straight line as if nothing has happened, strengthen your resolve, and work harder at your routine. Consider each moment as a piece of dumb, finite luck and act accordingly, with passion, but never, ever, with a goal.

Takashi Miike's Graveyard of Honor... well, it's a Japanese movie. Ummm, it's slow, and at moments ridiculously violent and bloody, but mostly slow. Damn, shouldn't I love this stuff? I need to study Japanese culture so I can get all the subtle stuff, because I know this movie isn't supposed to be boring.

21 August 2007

All One, All One, All One!


I was not feeling the love this morning. I was sore and didn't sleep well.
I realized that I have what I can only classify at this time as Catholic Guilt complex. This sounds odd because I am an atheist, however when you consider the fact that I spent a great deal of time in my formative years around Catholics, including growing up in a part of the country that is steeped in Catholic culture. In a way I guess then that it's not surprising that I am a guilt ridden atheist.
In any case I pushed through the pain to do some plant food shopping. Plants as food for me, now that I am re-veganized. I also haven't been smoking cigarettes since I returned to the fold. It seemed stupid to give up meat and dairy for health reasons, and continue to smoke. Nevertheless, I shamelessly pour attractively packaged, and delicious poison down my throat regularly. Thats one of those "guilty-atheist" ironies, which in this case I have consciously chosen.
Three hours of mouse clicking and staring at the screen yielded the poster you see here, which is not finished. The ninja needs to be a silhoutte and not blurred, and the "Sunset Tavern" text needs to get compressed and nudged to the right a bit. In any case I a quite pleased so far.
Painted German soldier guy, muddied up the face a bit more, wiped it clean, and then painted his pants.
"Dr. Bronner's Magic Soapbox" is an excellent documentary I went and saw this evening with some friends. I believe it is out on DVD, and I highly reccomend it to anyone silly enough to take my opinion on movies at face value.
Now I'm going to brush my teeth and read Post War. I have to be at work at 7:30.

20 August 2007

Deconstruction

Watch as I deconstruct in my special drunken manner the films,
Death Game:
http://www.genrebusters.com/film/review_garbage_deathgame.htm
and, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie:
http://www.genrebusters.com/film/review_garbage_garbagepailkids.htm
Possibly, pain personified, but I'm not positive.

The notes, (13 August, "Notes re. GPKM") when considered next to the review are somewhat amusing if you ask me, but I was there, and a little tipsy.

No-ones About to Shout

I started the day with an element of sincere geekage which almost put me to sleep. I like talking films, but that was too damn much, with too much ego time, and not enough arrows. Then, book club which was a laugh riot. Again. What could make it better, I don't know yet, some dynamacy. My quarry perhaps? Should I assault the book club demon, and slay it?
I like sitting in bars reading. I never get to do that, well, rarely.
Is it wrong to lose all respect for an adulterer? I'm not a man of "faith".
This guy I work with, I think is cheating on his wife, and I thought he was pretty cool before, but I think I've lost all respect for him. And the girl, a waitress at work?! She's got the scruples of snake shit. Wow. I thought she was cool too. I'm clearly a poor judge of charachter. That means all my friends are jerks, or I'm an asshole.
Or maybe neither, I'm just willing to give people the benefit of the doubt. When one looks at it that way, I've been pretty lucky. All in all.

19 August 2007

Mystery

I must have read it somewhere recently and it stuck in my head for I can think of no other reason why I would wake up this morning repeating the word obsequious over and over in my brain.

obsequious
adjective
1. Fawning. or subservient.
2. Excessively eager to please or to obey all instructions.

Etymology:
Latin, obsequium 'compliance'.

18 August 2007

A Beautiful Pestilence

Degradation is a long process of steps. Self inflicted steps, and none of them feels like anything except smiles and nods. Suddenly you're there, you reflect on the moments and regret every one, but barely remeber any of them, and you're in a quiet, odorless void. And all you want is peace, peace and invisibility.

17 August 2007

It's A Question of Vintage and Relevance

I'm not sure they make them like this anymore. Can I ever be angry enough? Can I ever have enough spite and bitterness? Can I ever hate people enough to do something about my present situation and bring it all to a fucking close?
It's nobodys fault but mine. The savagery and silence exist only within me.

But how can you be standing next to someone, and fool your mind into being alone? I know all too well that it's possible to be lonely in a crowd, but can you be alone? No, not alone in a crowd. Alone. Can a person perform their function, their duty, their designated task in the presence of others and yet obliterate their mental recognition of the others? Can you simply selectivey mentally vanish your surroundings and interact with them at a base level of social survival necessity?
No.

16 August 2007

Skin



I was wondering, what exactly is going on behind this? Oh, got it.
Alright, I get the picture.
Lesson learned.
I'll stay in my place now.













If I want to stay clean, I'd better start today.

14 August 2007

You're like the rest of them, and you're going to die like the rest of them.




"Lonliness has followed me my whole life, everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape, I'm God's lonely man."


-Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver

13 August 2007

Notes, re. GPKM


Galactic Garbage can.
D.
Kid beat up by public park mafiosi seeks revenge.
Horrible rubber costumes.
GP Kids watch child take bath as does "old" man.
Antique dealer preaches lesson on inner beauty.
Bitch sells rags out her car.
Big man song.
Pepsi generation joke.
GP Kids sew epaulette suit.
Musical number "We can do anything by working with each other".
(end page 1)

42 min. and farty guy has only farted 1, nerd has pissed 3.
Biker bar throws out business man.
Magic spell to send kids "back in the pail".
"cumquat"
"chicks to mess it up"
State Home for the Ugly.
Fashion show.
Bikers easily recruited to GP Kid rescue.
Rescue by bikers, fashion show.
(end page 2)

Hey, these kids is as tall as midgets!
Fashion show mishap.
Refused!
Rescape...
FLAT.
(end page 3)

Well, that is the end result of last nights effort to show the world what a real man is made of.
Lucky world.

Foreshortened

I got too drunk tonight to really write much as far as a review of Garbage Pail Kids Movie ca. 1987, Nevertheless, GB posted reviews of:
http://www.genrebusters.com/film/review_garbage_bloodbeach.htm
and
http://www.genrebusters.com/film/review_garbage_squirm.htm
I still took lengthy notes and will post them. Good thing I don't count on girls today, cause, they are FLAKY!

Mr. White


One of the very best of the modern delta slide guitarists. Bukka White. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bukka_White


It's at moments like these that I wish I could put my feeling of "The Blues" into other peoples body so they could know. Whatever it is I know.

11 August 2007

Calamitously..

...wreckeD.

Well, It's Definitely the Eleventh Now

I had to work tonight, not the piece of cake shift, AKA: NBU, but rather, the smooth-manuva of the line, AKA: NS. NS is my favorite station, and it garners respect, evidenced by the fact that FOH coworkers frequently ask you what they should do.


Anyway, heat made my arm hurt, but tonight was remarkable smooth, quick and accomodating. As I was leaving, I was gifted a large jug of well potent HM sangria. Perfect joy + wine and beer. Nerded out with Archaology Magazine, and dirtied out with a recent addition to the WIP collection, 99 Women. European to an E.
Whats with cute girls at work? Why do you have to work with me? Don't I have enough trouble?

10 August 2007

Stuble Research

I need to look at some pictures of faces and how light illuminates the bone structure before I paint any more on that swampy face. What is hee looking up at the Virgin Mary Guadalupe? Is he speaking in tonges at a revivial or getting shot in the fucking chest during the battle of Hurtgen Forest 1944? Damn, I need to read that book too, I've had it for like, a year? HEY SETH YOURE NOT WORKING HARD ENOUGH!

09 August 2007

Another One

Thats what five and a half hours of ouch looks like right now.
To see the art flat, on paper, go to my 20th July post, "Defiance of Circumstances". In any case it was a good day, seemingly just polluted with adrenaline. A mile and a half walk each way from the gym for an hour workout. Then I went and got bloody fresh ink for 5.5 hours. Wow. That hurts so good. I'm not sure if the guy started talking to me at the end because I was getting shifty, or because he was.

07 August 2007

Works In Progress

Theres a few of these on the desk right now, and time is precious.

Two Headed Rooster


This became a tattoo though modified to make the roosters look more angry and have more of a "Spanish cockfighting" look. Of course, I was informed of the desired changes after I had sent in the finished piece.

Own the original for just $100, contact me at eatenbyworms(at)hotmail.

A Weighty Prospect

As I grasp my neck with my left hand, it feels very thin and pencily weak. It's really just a short cylinder of meat and a few sparse bones protecting some air and fuel tubes. Perched atop it is a heavy bone case filled with lots of fluid and nerve tissue, and all the phantom reality of self consciousness. The tubes serve merely to feed the nerve tissue at the top it's primary meals, oxygen and happy vitamins. Thus I am aware of myself.
Biological anatomical necessity.

Today's lesson: Hier bin ich, ich fulle alles.

A needle is perfect and complete, but with the cooperation of thread, it can conspire to make a fuggin' nice pair of pants.

06 August 2007

There Is No Reason For This to Continue

I missed the g'damned movie this eveining because of girls. The I hung out with girls, and sortof enjoyed hanging out with them.

Fuck, this doesn't work this doesn't translate into anything but cheap excuses in any way. Not that it should, I'm just taking note of its realistic possibilities.

Hey, thanks stranger, Alice Amplified, for accolades.
I'll be here all week, stick around, keep coming back for more it can only get stranger.

I'm drinking the same bottle of orange vodka hell as last night. I will not finish it, and will probably save it for Wednesday when I plan to host a shitfest of green chile diarhhea.

05 August 2007

Maize Jaguar


This is the final version of the tattoo design I got on my right forearm.
HERE and HERE are some early versions of the design.

Get the jaguar jaw on a one inch button or magnet for just $1
My ETSY shop An Enormous Door

This Is A Serious Case Of Excess

This screwdriver is so strong its making me cough with each tiny, scotch-like sip*. It's so strong it's making the label on the orange-juice bottle peel. But it sure feels like warm liquid happy place. Damn that shit is good, and loooooong, and slow. Hard liquor and blues music ** just go hand in hand.

*a scotch sip is the small amount of good room temp scotch one takes in ones mouth when drinking scotch the right way, neat and without water adulteration.
**Blind Willie Johnson and Robert Johnson

04 August 2007

Old Times Sake

I made this ad almost five years ago for one of my classes at the Art Institute. I still like it, probably just because I like the concept of nuclear anihilation. I think I got a B on it because the type was supposed to be white.

03 August 2007

Fundamental Skills for Self Imposed Gravitational Dismemberment

I'm so good at this, dragging myself into a funky pissed off thing. I wasn't mad at anybody really except for the general laziness and apathy of my coworkers. It's hard for me to watch my superiors bitch and yet, not do a thing. I don't know where the problem lies, are they rendered impotent by the ridiculous beaurocracy of the company? Probably. Are they not also just average people with a slightly bigger paycheck, more duties and different collored pants? Definitely. Would I act the same in their position? Probably.
I cant help but think: I know a better way of getting these things done in a proper efficient way, but it seems even to me rather authoritarian. Even mildly tyrranical? Whou would want to work for me?
I eventually come around to blaming the company which, in common fashion is trying to produce as much profit, with as little expenditure as possible.
Give me vodka.