29 January 2008

Sounds Good

Revamp of the Mexico trip. Probably not going to Belize. probably just wandering around Mexico with my buddy larry, sound better already, the only definite cost is plane fare, and work lost. Beautiful.

Saw a movie at the Gi tonight, Streets Of Fire, was an amalgam of 50's and 80's culture, in a more uncomfortable and less satisfying way than one of Walter Hill's other good film The Warriorswhich was an amalgam of 50's and 70's cultural film themes.

Fantasy novels are shit. They arouse too much debate among my friends.
I don't know what I'm doing for next grindhouse, I have 4 days to decide and make a poster.

27 January 2008

There Is Contact

After nearly 10 years of relative silence, I have recently come back into contact with an old friend from high-school. Thank you Rupert-Murdoch/MySpace. They beauty of the very system we oppose, is that it offers us the luxury of biting the hand that feeds. A perfect example of why the relative freedom of America should not be taken for granted, instead, pushed and extended, and enlarged and challenged until it grows. Our freedom allows us the opportunity to fight for more freedom, for ourselves, and others.
In any case, I noticed that my friend was pretty interested in social activism, so I asked him about his reasons. They're good, if a bit rudimentary. My reasons are rudimentary too, don't forget, I was only just reawakened from almost 8 years of complacent cynicysm.
So, as a potential contribution to the dynamism of open debate, and because a response to his opening letter is a daunting task, I present the original ducuments, for what they are worth. Please comment(you don't need a Blogger account), this is an open forum.

S,
You are the first person who has ever asked me about my interest in "political activism", maybe largely because I've never thought of myself as a political activist. In the past year or so I have listened to a lot of Noam Chomsky lectures (I don't have access to his books... if you'd like to send me one or some, it/they'll be in good hands), reading Howard Zinn's "A People's History", a lot of which I was aware of but the detail had never entered so powerfully... and the result... of course, since the Iraq invasion I had started becoming more and more involved on an awareness base, because for the first time, the fact that things weren't right was made extraordinarily evident... then I saw a few documentaries, one especially from BBC called "The Power of Nightmares", which opened me up to the history of current events, and the underlying/overriding philosophy... if you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it... it was made in 2005. Lately I have been paying attention to what's going on and doing simple things like sending off letters to politicians, and this publishing company I'm working with on an online project asked me to write about an "American in Europe Comments on Arabs/Muslims in Europe", and so I became aware of a lot of the differences between Europe and America through the research I did. It has yet to be published... the sight has yet to be launched... so I will need to update it significantly, I think... then when my friend Alie posted that thing about the elderly woman threatened with Federal Imprisonment, I realized that something has to be done. I pay attention to Michael Moore, with a shaker of salt.... one of the thing that "drives me" is that incident that got us suspended when we were sophomores... a) the fact that we were suspended, b) the fact that, as editor of the newspaper in later years, I did nothing to investigate the power of sports over the administration and its thinking, and c) the fact that I buckled under the pressure and tried to divert blame from myself. I've always wanted to atone for that, since I became aware of myself and how I had behaved.

I've also seen some interesting documentaries which analyze the 9/11 attacks... not all of them are wacko conspiracy theories... and it has really made me question the motive of my government.

Thomas Paine said "it is the duty of a patriot to protect his country from its government."

Living in Europe helps. Every time I go home, I see the paranoia and fear which underlies all things, from freedom fries to orange alerts. The fact that Europe is at a much greater risk of attack than America, yet Europe is not cowering under a veil of fear and allowing its government to do ANYTHING it wants, does not cease to amaze me. The fear, apathy, and restless consumerism (a paraphrase from Neil Young, whose music I have also been devoted to for the past few months, almost exclusively, and is, except for the album "Living with War", not at all connected with this discussion) bothers me. The tolerated abuse of power, the suffering of Americans at the hand of American corporate elitism, the absolute LACK of response after Hurricane Katrina, affects me deeply. Things could be so much better with so little effort.

What to do about it... now, that is an excellent question, one to which I have no answer. A lot of Americans have spoken and are speaking out, but they are largely ignored by the corporate media. Corporate, corporate, corporate... they have been in control for over a hundred years and for over a hundred years people have resisted, but due to the power of advertising, people are now concerned only with fighting back for their own personal interests, and not the interests of their community or anyone else at all. Personal gain is the prime motive, and I despise that. For more on the power of advertising, of which I am sure you are keenly aware, a brilliant documentary called "Czech Dream" lays it out. The producers invented a fictitious supermarket and, through advertising alone, convinced thousands of people to go to the grand opening. The people ran to it.

The upcoming election concerns me. It could be very important to the future of out country and the nation covering it. But I fear that the only candidates who will make it past the primaries will be on the insurance/drug company payrolls. Neither Obama nor Hillary impress me, but between the two I'd take John Edwards, but because he is not on big corporate payrolls, he won't have the budget power to fight the others. As for the republicans... most of them seem quite loony, and anyway I pray the country isn't dumb enough to keep the neo-conservatives in power, who have been trying to get us into the mess we're currently in since Vietnam failed.

What to do, what to do? Seth! I do not know. I am doing what I can to keep informed, pay attention and be critical, and I hope I will be able to do something with writing. I have a couple of things I would like to send to open forums and newspapers, who likely won't print them, but it's as yet unwritten and probably won't do much but sing quietly to the garrulous choir. The changes I see that need to take place are massive: a break-down of people's insistence that a difference exists between the democrats and republicans; a severance of corporate and governmental control over the media (i.e. the media needs to come from the people: via Jello Biafra, "become the media"); a relinquishing of religious-coalitionist control over a multitude of politicians (i see the "separation of church and state" not as an ideological act, but one strictly of economics); and an honest dialogue between the government and the people about what in fact they are doing overseas, which of course had never been and will never be, in any state, in any time. So that's off... but I would like to have a media that critically questions the "leadership", and isn't so worried about sound-bites, ratings, theme songs and banners. On a micro level, or smaller anyway, the people need to start getting together, make a stand. People are scattered and stay divided over minute differences in thought, which prevents them from holding against the big one. Like the Irish, the couldn't fight the English because they were so busy fighting each other. And the people need to know what is going on, what exactly is being done in their name. The information is there, but they don't know and don't care to look for it.

If I go on much longer, I risk repeating myself. This is a general diatribe and a lot of it is ludicrous, especially toward the end. So I ask you for your thoughts and commentary. I am keen to involve myself more.

T


Dear T, I am replying to your letter in a roundabout way. I am copying it into a writing program where I feel more comfortable inserting my thoughts on each point you raise, and where I can use various editing tools. Therefore my full response is forthcoming.

One thing that I think is important is, as you quote Jello Biafra, to "become the media". Chomsky has said similar things, and Naomi Wolf's recent book "The End of America" also agrees, that it is important for people who disagree with the party line, is to write about it, and discuss it with others.
A blog is a great place to do that, even if it's just to re-post something you saw somewhere else. Any additional info you may add is just a bonus. So, if you haven't yet, I encourage you to start one, and write there about what you see and read, even if it's not very polished.
One of my personal concerns is the proliferation of camouflage and military clothing in civilian dress, which I think is cyclically symptomatic of a culture addicted to war.
-S

Further Delusions

Returning home from a liesurely day at work in which myself an the rest of the night kitchen crew started a new bet pool on which of the front of house crew (i.e. wait staff) would quit or be fired next, I watched part of a documentary about Paul klee. I didn't like it much, it was a French documentary and I wasn't able to take the lengthy diary entries. Actually, I didn't recognize any of Klee's work, and was surprised, very abstract, mathematical and musical studies. Too theoretical for my tiny brain. In any case I was exercising while I did that so I should be strong enough to beat up anybody smart enough to understand it and make me look dumb

After that more of the Chomsky doc. Manufacturing Consent. That shit is good. Strange.

Then, I watched Seizure, an early Oliver Stone film. It sucked. I think I have more to say, so I may come back to this.

26 January 2008

Damnit, A Day

What the hell happened? It was a blur of uninterrupted events of little little obvious importance. Finished reading Johnny Got His Gun, and the went to work for the ol' 8 hours. Actually didn't mind staying around and making things happen for other people, it was fun, even if I was distracted by the velvet curse womanitude.

Upon return to home base;
Manufacturing Consent, a documentary about Noam Chomsky, I don't feel too ridiculous saying this is one of the most important moments of my life. Not the film, but for the first time since I read Chomsky in 1998 being able to have a vague idea about what the hell he is saying, and knowing that I agree with it. It's all still a blur, but a pretty one.
I guess that I can see that fundamentally that my life is a struggle for the other, and all my longstanding fear of economic and popular failure is nothing if I can give myself to social justice. All my comforts are petty, and frankly laughable.

After that, which I didn't finish because it's so damn long and I needed to write, I watched a documentary on racism called Ethnic Notions. Sounds uplifting doesn't it. Well, wrote a review for the Lost Video Archive which is short, but sweet.
Lost Video Archive

Tonight, I don't feel worried about a thing.

25 January 2008

Idealism

Everything is exactly right, when I walk around here drunk every night.

24 January 2008

Good News!

Blogger is now available in three new terrorist languages!
Just kidding. I love middle easterners, or at least I would if I knew any. Did you ever think that United Statesters might not have such a problem with arabs if there were more in the States? Shit,the fertile crescent is where civilisation first evolved, don't you think we oughtta get along with our bretheren?
Nah, instead I have to listen to a bunch of high-falutin jagoffs in class whine about "America" not being a correct, or PC term for the United States or citizens therof.
Shit! I agree, I've corrected plenty of people about the North, South, Central issue. I've had to correct people on the (American) Civil War issue. But I challenge you to tell me about a single central or south American country, or person who refers to citizens of the United States as anything but "Americanos", "Gringos" or "Yanquis". I haven't met one. And a second thing, is ther another name for citizens of the US in English, or frankly any other language? Think long and hard now...Statesians? Staters? Imperialists? No really, theres nothing! So what should all these writers and activists do when they refer to citizens of the US?
FUCK YOU. You stupid arrogant fucks.You self righteous narcissists, trying to look good in class. Have fun, I'm just as stupid, but I won't open my mouth and prove it.

2 of my roommates are moving out, my landlord wants to "do work" on my basement room,and raise the rent, and I'm tired. New roommates. Now I guess it's my turn to run the interviews, we'll see if I'm as cool as my departing roomies were to me. I claim superior anality. Is that a word?
Sleep in Seth, you need it.

22 January 2008

Black Snake Moan

Perhaps this note belongs on the film blog rather than here, but we'll see. (reading back I think it does) I watched Black Snake Moan tonight while folding laundry and drinking. It's a poorly made movie in all ways. It's sincere and well intentioned overall, but in a bad way. It had all the trappings of an exploitation movie, but delivered only feel-good knee slapping yukkery.

I like blues music, so I was interested in this, but frankly Sam Jackson is not a good singer. The use of historical Son House interview footage was ill-concieved and stuck out like a sore thumb. The professional actors were tasked with filling in the empty bits that plagued the remainder, and it showed. Perhaps even to the point of revealing their own lack of skill. Sam Jackson does not belong behind a microphone, and his most genuine try at delta blues does not make me even slightly less than rigid in the knees.

While I respect the intent of the film, a somewhat inspiring tale of po', damaged south'n folk of multiple colors, it doesn't suceed on any level beyond saccharine. I was embarassed to watch the sappy scenes, and fast>>forwarded to the ones that were equally predictable, but less insipid.

This makes me think of a lousy remake of Always Outnumbered, Always Outgunned, a damn good HBO films movie starring Lawrence Fishburne. Did I mention it's way crappier?

The innefectual appearance of Christina Ricci's chest glands utterly fails to validate the wastage of the explosive potential of southern, blues, and exploitation.
Damn shame.

Response to Naomi Wolf

There are a number of questions that come to mind as I read The End of America.

1.) Who is Wolf writing for? Although she describes the person who inspired her to write it, the book must by necessity appeal to larger audience. The impression I get is that she is writing for a segment of the population that is already concerned with the direction that the United States is headed, but who may not be able to draw the parallels from historical evidence. In essence Wolf is preaching, to “liberals”, moderate “leftists”, or in more crude terms, the choir. In several instances Wolf does at times attempt to include persons of both major US partisan persuasions, her focus on the current regime at the exclusion of those prior, lends a distinct air of bias to the work which is compounded by her complete lack of attention of the issue of the private corporate stranglehold on international and domestic policy, an increasingly insidious development of the last hundred and fifty years, and I believe, a cornerstone of imperialist and fascist dogma. Thus while making great strides in laying out the evidence in implicating Bush II in an accessible and legible (as opposed to someone like Chomsky) format for potential non-intellectual activists, she fails to address possible and probable motives underlying her so-called fascist shift.

While she doesn’t hesitate to draw parallels between the current regime and historical fascism, she fails to implicate previous US rulers of their crimes against the people both at home and abroad. Clearly, to a person inclined to look, our history is rife with examples of imperial tyranny; however, I think Wolf’s approach rightfully treats the subject of domestic repression from the point of view of self-analysis before external criticism. These things may be nothing new in other states (and again, not really new here), but the domestic issue Wolf believes, is more immediately relevant. I believe Chomsky said something along the lines of “It’s not appropriate for American intellectuals to criticize Russian policy, but for Russian intellectuals to do so, because the Russian people are in a position to do something about it.” (This is not verbatim, as I cannot find the original text).

2.) What is she writing for? As I’ve mentioned above she attempts to remain non-partisan, but her failure to implicate previous US rulers, and her admission to having worked for the Gore 2000 campaign suggest a distinct bias that may lead one to believe she merely intends to drive people into the Democratic camp. The nature of the subject matter and her treatment within such a biased context suggest that she intends to do so through fear, a tactic that she repeatedly attributes to fascists and Bush II.

At the same time, I believe that her underlying motive is justified and well intentioned, that is to bring to the attention of potential activists the danger that looms over our collective civil liberties, and the necessity for taking action to prevent their further erosion.

The information provided is useful, and easily digested by someone perhaps less well read than Wolf herself, or someone with less capacity or experience to perform the necessary research, but again Wolf fails to suggest useful tactics for action suggesting merely to write about these issues further and discuss them with others. Are we to use The End of America as our only resource for discussion, or are we to somehow understand after reading it, how to do the research, and find the information, an assumption I find ludicrous considering that even Wolf herself admits that this information is often barely reported even in liberal media and even completely suppressed. Or perhaps Wolf is writing for “armchair” activists, those economically comfortable enough to feel vindicated by purchasing her book and having the luxury of non-productive time to read it over a latte and furrow their brows with mild concern. Perhaps that is Wolf’s own purpose, to join in the trendy Two Minutes Hate and vindicate herself by writing it.

I don’t think that is the case, and while I can be highly critical of this book, I think it has definite merit. As I have said, it lays out some concrete facts, with citations, in average-user-friendly verbiage, that point towards a dangerous (longstanding) trend in US domestic policy. It is a starting point, if somewhat myopic for budding activists and political intellectuals, and deserves credit for at least attempting to put something usable in the hands of those inclined to use it, something which in my limited experience there is far to little of.

Multiples


When Pablo Picasso saw the French armored vehicles painted with a camouflage pattern as they drove towards the front in 1914, he is supposed to have remarked "Yes, it is we who made it, this is cubism."
(This is a lousy photo of models, but it demonstrates his point. If anyone finds a period photo, send it my way.)

Watching the girls in class today it occured to me. "Twittering beautiful girls, and I will never speak with any of them, pitiful social creatures, perpetually distracted, and devoid of any sense of isolation."
That's silly though, I don't know any of them, I'm just dissapointed by what I percieve as our total difference of priorities.


After class I stopped at the bookstore and found a bounty of $1 videos, and a harcover collection of cover art from 60's pulp sex novels. (see above)

On my way home I went to the grocery store and talked to Olivia, the girl who rides the same busses to school each morning, thus proving my previous assumption totally debunked.
Have fun with that.

Sunday's results:

21 January 2008

Elmo Goes to War


I found this in the Tucson Daily Star last week, I can't remember what store it was an ad for, probably JC Penneys or Ross or something.
The thing that strikes me is that Elmo is a Sesame Street charachter, and Sesame Street is a show on public television, and public television is paid for by US taxpayers.
It's bad enough that a little kid is wearing camoflage, but that it has Elmo on it...
Elmo little kids, and the American public endorse warfare.
If this isn't symptomatic of a.)The Dumbening, and b.)a society addicted to war, then I don't know what is.

19 January 2008

Kettle

There is a hole. If you can puncture just the surface, like a vacuum, it all rushes out.
If you can see through it, there is a blurry loud mess of noises, and movement.
If you can pierce it, all of it rushes out, and you can get a few deep breaths, and a saccharine smile for a few minutes.
A reprieve.

18 January 2008

No More

I can't stand to look at that dumbass with the zombie tattoos anymore. My reasoning is this, I can't immagine drawing that much attention to myself. You're really asking for it. I think probably there's a definite need for attention that lies beneath the surface of that tattoo. The ink is just an admission.
Filth, filth filth, self absorbtion, narcissism.

15 January 2008

Two Way Street




While I admire the mans tenacity, his complete and utter disregard for social convention or wisdom, I can't help but wonder if he's shooting himself in the foot. The answer is yes, and he had better have himself a steady income for the rest of his life because he aint gonna get anything in the service industries. He could be a zombie gigolo, I bet rich goth chicks would pay for that. That brings up the obvious question, does the tattoo continue below the belt?

I Consider Myself A Scavenger

Look at that smile of victory;


Fred Miller, age 49, has been getting his food out of dumpsters in the Seattle area for 30 years.



"And while he admits to being no purist when it comes to scavenging- he didn't find his glasses in a dumpster, after all, or the fillings in his teeth-he says he does so because consuming what others throw away is in line with his desire to live in accord with the planet. "Getting food from the dumpster helps me keep my perspective.""
-From Real Change, vol. 14, no. 52, photos by Jon Vachon

14 January 2008

We

From the very beginning of 1984 Winston Smith makes it clear that the world is a dirty, oppressive place in which even the simple pleasures of sex, alcohol and cigarettes are debased and stripped of their cathartic value. He, and the reader know from Winston’s repeated colorful descriptions of decrepitude and decay that this is a world of repressive manufactured consent.

In We, I feel that the opposite is the case. The society in We, in addition to being in some unnamed future, is not a filthy crumbling dystopia, but a gleaming metropolis of eager productive workers. D-503 never ceases describing the beauty and efficiency of OneState, and condemning, or at the very least mocking the incivility and ridiculousness of the “ancients” (ostensibly author Zamyatin’s contemporaries) and even at times D-503’s future audience of theoretical space residents. In this case, OneState is a world of liberating consentual manufacture.

The ends I assume follow a similar, dissimilar path. (as of this writing I haven’t yet finished We, but the trajectory looks familiar) In 1984 the eventual revelation is that of a dystopia found to be even worse and unassailable than expected. (I’ll say at this point, a mental dystopia found to be fundamentally physical as well) In We, it seems to me that the world is a (theoretical) utopia, found to be a dystopia. (A mental and physical utopia found to be dystopic in both). Thus, the transition D-503 takes in We is much more profound than that which Winston takes. D-503 never saw it coming.

What strikes me most about we is Zamyatin’s use of engineering metaphors, and adjectives in his description of everyday things, used to most effect I feel in his description of the faces and characters that populate OneState. In particular his description of the doctor; “..like something cut out of paper, and no matter which way he turned, he was nothing but profile, sharp and chiseled. His nose, a flashing blade; his lips – scissors.”

I feel that Zamyatin’s use of glass has something to do also with the mentality of OnState in that it is reflective of the theoretically selfless qualities of the residents. Ideal numbers think not of themselves, only of OneState; “And the natural path from nullity to greatness is this: Forget that you’re a gram and feel yourself a millionth part of a ton.” In OneState there are to be no secrets, in Europa (am I remembering that name correctly?) everyone has something to hide, every particle of existence is a secret.

But what is OneState really? What does it mean for the numbers, and what, more importantly does it mean for us, the ancients? Zamyatin clearly could never have predicted the globalized corporate nation state, but he did see something in theory of what we have come to know tangibly. The fundamental difference I think, between us now, and the numbers, is that we have been distracted and deluded, by both consumerism and corporate media propaganda, to not see that we serve the Benefactor. We have been conditioned to see ourselves as the Benefactor. We toil and strain, building our own NASA version of INTEGRAL, clocking in and tuning out (or hell, joining up, Semper Fi), and casting our Federal Reserve lot into the forge of uniformity while visions of our own private sugar plums dance in our heads. We’ve been fed a delusion of self, but we’ve eaten of the Benefactors plate. To us, the particular “-topia” doesn’t matter, only how good we look when the temple comes down on our heads.

Crisis

"We and you ought not pull on the ends of a rope in which you have tied the knots of war. Because the more the two of us pull, the tighter the knot will be tied. And then it will be necessary to cut that knot, and what that would mean is not for me to explain to you.

I have participated in two wars, and know that war ends when it rolls through cities and villages, everywhere sowing death and destruction. For such is the logic of war.

If people do not display wisdom, they will clash like blind moles and then mutual annihilation will commence."


-Nikita Khruschev in a telegram to President John F. Kennedy October 26, 1962
as quoted by Robert McNamara in the Errol Morris film "Fog of War"

13 January 2008

You've Been Misled

My dearest friend,

It is not easy.

It's not easy to wake up and feel yourself. You know this as well as I do, to feel your muscles and bones and the shitty fitful sleep you had, aching in your kidneys and shoulders. To remember the moments in the night when you woke to some bitter forgettable dream sound, only to remember you hate who you've been made.
It's not easy to feel cold all morning long and stare at some screen, or try and read something to ocupy the time, to look at the people at work who won't ever understand how finished you are, how helpless, how stupid. How dependant.

To wake alone, in a tiny bed, with an eyeful of half packed boxes and bare walls wondering where you can go today to get out of an empty house without feeling too desperate for escape. A TV suddenly alive with anything distracting.

It's not easy to wait for the phone to ring, and wait when you know that you've already ruined it, already stifled a grandiose hope, a wide eyed wonder.

It's not easy to go through a personal hell. Even less so to go through it, weep through it, shudder and shake through it, and to hate who you've been turned into for it. To be blamed every step of the way, and to even blame yourself for failure, stupidity and selfishness. To know, somehow that it really was all your fault and failure.

It's not easy to feel like you're the only person in the world who doesn't deserve to be loved. Because you're not, and you know it.

It's not easy to know that no matter what you do or say, there is no-one who can possibly tolerate the ridiculous psychoses you've devoloped from all your stupid selfish painful moments of despair. No-one who can deal with your perpetual depression, cynicism and self-medicating drinking.

To allow yourself to open up, smile at a girl, talk to her and ask her a simple question, give her a simple answer. It's not easy when you've been belittled, destroyed, betrayed, abandoned and blamed.

You know all this as well as I do.

And that's the hardest thing of all, hating all that shit that you've gone through, hating yorself for it, blaming yourself, and knowing that you really are the fucked up, damaged, undesirable, weak, creature that you are, and daring yorself, and more importantly, daring a woman, a beautiful brilliant woman, to accept and embrace it.

No, no it's not easy sir, you are wrong. It's not easy to fall in love. It looks easy, it looks easy to people who are hurt, damaged and suspicious of everyone, it looks easy to people who don't feel worthy, and to people who are victims. It looks easy to you and me.

It's not easy to tell yourself that the end justifies the means, again, and again, and again. No, it's not easy, but it's all that we have.

I hope I'll be there when you find it, and you when I do. The ride doesn't mean shit without the bumps. And you, I definitely love.

This City


This rainy city of shuffling progressive assholes and too much asian food will someday make a man of me. This grey cloud-cover that hangs just out of reach will finally squeze some profound realization from my scattered mind. I love this place, and someday it will love me.

Just Words

This is more towards my original idea for the tattoo. I'm a little reluctant to get the words, but the've been with me for nearly ten years and they always seem to be more or less relevant.

Regis is right, GoodReads is addictive. I'm really not sure what the point is, actually, I don't think there is one. Well, not beyond showing off all the books you've read. Hmmm. I'm not looking forward to working tomorrow, but it pays the bills, Monday and Tuesday I don't work, but have class and that is work in its own right. I have some writing to do tomorrow so I better get to bed.

12 January 2008

Not Quite Sure



I'm not really happy with this, it's not looking like what I had in my mind. I may just go with the heart all by itself. I think the leaves are just too much, I can fugure out the other components in the future.

Since It's Been A While

I guess I better clear the slate for the near future, and make sure that all the bottled up emotion and energy finds something of an outlet.
I'm pretty tired, got on the plane, off the plane, on the bus, dropped my bags, went to work, and then to a movie by myself.
After a week in New Mexico in which I spent the first 3 days finding a bunch of things I thought I'd lost, but still couldn't really find, I spent the remainder in contemplation, a pseudo-buddha.
Boiled down to it's essence, it's something akin to:
"Life is suffering. We suffer because we want, and we are attatched to our wants."

The last few times I've visited Albuquerque, I've been subject to a glut of feelings of remorse, or it's close relative, regret. The only reason I can blame, is the people I see there. I've spent a lot of time missing the people I've seen and known there.

Last time that happened, I learned to regret it and not trust people.

On my return home to the Northwest, I feel ridiculously alone and isolated, almost as if there is nothing for me here. That's silly, my brain lives here, this is where I forsee myself becoming infectuous dynamic energy. But I don't see anyone around me, and the echo kindof bothers me.

I have to remind myself that my brains' ridiculous and corny repetition of The Supremes song "You Can't Hurry Love", is just the product of an overactive mind. Still, when girls walk by me at the busstop, my breathing sounds sortof distant, and the windows on the other side of 45th don't seem to reflect anything but rain streaked neon.

A Little House On Memory Lane

I met this girl 7 years ago, and she's back, and she's better than ever, a sequel that won't be playing in a theatre near me.

04 January 2008

New Mexico

I'm going for a few days back to my homeland, where it's colder and poorer and browner than here.Hopefully I can relax a little bit and get some sanity back. Lots of good stuff is going down when I return here though so the prospect is not foreboding. In any case, it's important to remember to "be here now", wherever the hell that may be.

03 January 2008